Who is running the show?
No matter how much work we’ve done on ourselves, no matter how committed we are to healing, there may be a part of us that’s four years old when we deal with certain people. There may be a part of us that still feels frozen, frightened, powerless, and abandoned when we face certain situations. Triggered time and again and then later ashamed that we froze or ran away, in an ironic reactivity loop.
We may be all dressed up, look grown up, have our professional hat on. But the person wearing it is just a small child. And scared. Afraid to speak up or relax and be who we are – a powerful, sensitive, creative, competent, intelligent, wise adult.
Watch for these younger versions of ourselves. Be gentle, kind, compassionate. They were frightened, WE were frightened, because it is how our bodies and minds responded to keep us safe, that’s all we knew at the time. We were coping. We had reasons that are valid, understandable, and sometimes noble.
But those reasons come from a long time ago, before we knew what we know now.
We know now, that the wounds we carry from early life, that keep showing up in everything we do, are the times when we weren’t seen, met or cared for in the ways we needed.
We’re grown now. We’re strong. We’re free. We can walk away, speak up, laugh, say how we feel. And we can’t be abandoned anymore, because we know how to take care of ourselves and live on our own.
Watch for your four-year-old. If you can see and sense what was happening then with what you know now they might be less likely to run the show in the future.
Be curious when they arise, try not to react and run away again. Stay with them, see them, witness and care now for what was missed then. They are you and you are they. You will be amazed at what happens when you can stay with them, and look them lovingly in the eyes.
When you attend to them, you may in time come to recognise and welcome them in as the wonderful gift to your growth that they are.
Now wouldn’t that be a thing.…looking forward to them showing up?!
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Andrew