You will see it all

If you have been avoiding quiet intimate moments with yourself, you are avoiding what is seeking to feed you. 

Perched above your experience you will one day see each of your days woven together as a tapestry of missteps, heartful choices, heartbreak, and redemption. Love and the denial of that same love. 

In retrospect, we can see clearly what the journey of life is. As if looking back through a clear glass of truth. We understand our entire lives are but choices made one after the other in search of our heart, or in protecting it.  

You will see it all. 

Gathered choices. And through those choices, a sweet and bittersweet melody is woven. 

Each time you choose something, as you will, that causes your heart to break in longing, in seeming disrepair, each time you make a choice you think brought you farther from the love you long for think again. For each step, each movement and action will come together to create the beautiful paradox that is life. 

We compound our suffering by looking too closely at the thing that is causing us pain. We forget that soon a revelation will come from this very place. That these difficult places and choices are often where pain comes to break us open into something larger and more loving.  

More purposeful in being and body. 

More honest. 

If you have lost hope, if you feel you have landed yourself in a landscape of ravaged hope, where you are sure your heart has left your chest. Please just rest now. You have but to try again, to choose again. Choose anything but remaining complacent in your pain.  

Oh, how it scares us to let the pain that defines us go.  

Choose anything other than running from yourself. When we escape ourselves, it is because we feel too ashamed and broken to look with our own eyes.  We are so afraid of the storm lapping at our heels that we keep running from ourselves. When really the rain has come to quell the drought, feed our earth, wash us clean. 

You will find yourself and your heart again if you choose to turn towards yourself. To land on your feet, with your heart laid open. Simply arrive and stop running. Watch each of your choices. Be still and calm. And allow your heart to take residence within you once more.  

Choose again. That’s all your life is comprised. One step forward, one choice, one after another after another. Not one wrong.  

Let your worries, your sorrow, your heartache, your dread, your shame, your loving spread out before you like a beautiful quilt, woven into a blanket of warmth and love and symmetry. Nothing you have chosen is wrong. Nothing you have chosen does not fit into the fabric of your life. 

Be still and realise that you are in the process of writing a concerto of divine compassion and love. You are learning, in all of your choosing. You are learning to remember what you are. 

You will learn that there are no stains on the quilt of your life. If you choose one next thing, choose to arrive here as you have now, to choose love for each part of you that has grown distant from your centre. This is the earth that will create momentum in the direction of your heart. Arriving here often will bring more joy in the journey ahead.  

You were born to feel all of this. 

Waste no more of your time worrying that something has gone wrong. For in retrospect, you will see through the clear glass of truth the pieces that came together to make your heart beat wider than it could the beat before.  

Just choose again. 

—
Andrew.